ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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