I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
