maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
