i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
