It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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