I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
this is an emotional support booty call
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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