Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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