After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
