An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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