Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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