you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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