fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
