who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
