she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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