Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
