sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
