The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
