My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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