i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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