I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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