you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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