To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
