I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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