I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize