It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
