You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
