I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
