He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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