Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize