maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
