oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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