I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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