i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
