You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
