theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
