Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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