direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
