I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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