Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
