at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
