You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
