Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
