i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My feet surprised me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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