Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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