Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
