Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
