my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
