You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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