Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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