Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
