meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
