But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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