At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
