and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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