K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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