if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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