A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
