dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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