I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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