He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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