At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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