So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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