I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
