The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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