he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
