Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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