Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
