Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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