I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
