I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
