i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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