dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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