I am in a vortex of obligation.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
