i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
