also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
