my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
