I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why didn't you poke me back
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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