I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
