Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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