I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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