:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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