I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
