I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
