Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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