shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
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