Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
