drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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