I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
